Jonah's Week 3

Hey mom sorry it took so long to write you. I was trying to think of what to say but I just can't think of any other way to tell you than to say, I feel like I am failing. I haven't had the best experiences this week. For example, in distrct descussion this week we started talking about how one of the elderss has a letter everyday from his girlfriend and how he has to invite us all to his wedding come two years time. Then one of the hermanas who is the oldest member of our district said ''man I hope I am married before Elder Glines!! He is just such a little baby and I'm two years older than him.''

So then we all started talking about how it's possible for her to do it since she gets home 6 months before us and then one of the other hermanas said ''Hey, just make sure you're married before McKee because he is never getting married.'' My companion asked ''why not''. She then said ''Because he is a terrible person and I can't even focus when I'm in the same room as him.''

 

I will admit I left later that night tearful. Then the following night a similar exchange of words came from the same companionship. They were telling me that I am not capable to lead and they don't think I am cut out to be a missionary. I don't know why they felt that way and I don't know what can make a person cut out to serve so maybe they are right. Right this second I might not be as qualified as them since I don't know as much spanish and I know I haven't read the Book of Mormon as many times as them but I am here and I am trying. I don't know why they feel that way but I feel like I am totally failing in my calling. All I want  to do is serve them and I thought I was doing everything in my ability to make them happy so I don't know why they feel that way about me. Everytime I get packages I add it to the ''district pantry'' aka the closet I put all of my packages in so they can have stuff to snack on or whatever when they want it. I don't have very much I can do to serve the hermanas without breaking missionary rules but I am trying to do everything I possibly can!! I don't know how I can be so close with all of the companionships and feel so much tension coming from that one companionship. I wish I could earn their trust the way I have earned the trust of the other members of my district.

 

But, one thing I know is that I am willing to serve. I am willing to put the work in to be the best Elder McKee I can be. I may not be as smart but I have since then doubled my workload and I will be a better missionary for it. I know I was sent here for a reason and maybe it was so that my confidence would be torn down and built back up for myself. I wish I had all of the answers to know how I can help them. To know how I can better serve my district but this week I don't know why I am here. I know this mission won't always be easy and that at some points this mission is going to feel like I am all alone in this world with nobody beside me but I know that's not possible because I always have a companion stuck to my side. Oh and I know that God will be there too. I know God is my loving Heavenly Father and that He has called me to this work and no matter what, I will put the work in so that I can be the missionary He needs me to be. I will be the missionary that the hermanas don't think I'm capable of being. I know that anything is possible if you put your trust in the Lord. I promise you I am trusting Him with all of my heart, might, mind and strength that this is where I am supposed to be and that this is all part of His plan for me. I know He will never abandon me as long as I trust in Him. 

 

I hope this next week gets easier but if not then it will only make me stronger. I love you and I love this gospel. I am a missionary called of God to spread the word that the Church of Jesus Christ has been restored to the earth. I know people are ready to hear the message and I will work diligently to provide the words they need to hear. I hope all is well at home. 

 

With much love,

Elder McKee 

 

p.s. I just wanted to say that I love you mom and thanks for raising me the right way. I have seen a lot of people here who have been sheltered their entire lives and I feel so bad for them because when they go out on the field they are not going to even know what to do with all of the new things around them. I am glad you and dad showed us a wide variety of lifestyles and let us explore so we would be able to function in this BIG, small world we live in. Oh and one of the hermanas in my district, Hermana Nelson, is the niece of the guy who owns the Beetle Barn and her grandpa is the guy who lives right next door to it! It was really funny telling her that I have spoken to her grandpa on multiple occasions just for the fun of it. haha Her and I just grew even closer is all ;) Well anyways, I love you! Oh, and if you ever wanted to send me hackysac or maybe some Cinnabon, umm you know, I wouldn't mind ;))) love you mom and thanks for everything!