Hello!! Hey mom I'm sorry I had the worst experience with the computers this week in my new area. I wrote you and the power went out and so the computer didn't even save my draft. Then the next day I went to write you again and still the power went out again!!!! I wrote all of the family and I was going to write you again and the power went out AGAIN!!! SO hey I'm sorry you didn't hear from me for a couple of days.
I've been receiving great medical care and it's been a little disappointing because no matter what they do they, for some reason they can't decide what I have. They know I have random temperature spikes, fatigue, and that I'm dehydrated but the tests they run all come back negative. It's been a real roller coaster for me not really knowing what to think because I know I'm sick but I feel like everybody besides the doctor is looking at me and thinking to themselves, ¨why is he making this all up?¨, I don't know how to take the expressions on their faces when the doctor once again tells them the test was negative. I haven't ever once in my life felt so tired and frustrated because no matter what we do I don't get results and so people continue to look at me like the crazy kid who thinks he is sick but he isn't really. The worst part is how emotionally draining it has been for me to hear one day that I'll be going home and then the next day hear that they want to run more tests first. I feel like at this point I have one foot in the airplane and one here in Honduras. I've become divided between the two real possibilities of me either coming home or staying here and finishing the last 5 months of my mission.
My mind is falling apart and every time I start to think ,¨hmmmm maybe I am just crazy and I'm not really sick¨, I get reminded by some huge pain in my chest or a dizziness that makes me fall over if I'm not grabbing something that in deed I am sick. Right now I am in the mission office writing you because the Central America mission doctor Elder Lynn has decided it would be good if a person besides myself or my companion was taking my temperature every 3 hours. So they brought me to the office so that every time I take my temperature the other elder can personally write it in a pen on a log I have. To me, I don't understand why. I feel like they are making this process really long and not to mention long but I feel like they just don't believe me. They don't even trust me to read and write my own temperature. I'm not so sure what this is all about but in the end I can't control my temperature. If I have a spike while I'm here in the office then hey maybe they will believe me but if I don't then I don't know what that will prove. Either way I will have another spike, it's just a question of when.
Just know I'm doing all I can to follow the medical advice I have received and I'm hoping and praying this can all come to an end quickly whether I stay or go I just want a decision to be made and for this roller coaster ride to end. Hopefully, they will make a decision soon!
Love you,
Elder Jonah McKee
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